Sunday: A Fine Balance, Jack the Ripper, Peppa Pig

I have just finished reading A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry. A sad tale of a few individuals living in India. The central idea is that some people adapt to changes and loses and some don’t. Pretty much, a story like life itself: bittersweet.

Each book we read conveys more than one message. For one, there is the obvious message, that stays with us throughout the reading and then there are the discreet messages that we only receive if they are addressed to us. We all have questions that torment us and we are all looking for confirmation for what we do and what we think. When so, we have the feeling that our own universe is trying to answer us or agree/disagree with us on all possible channels. Then all that we read and hear and see become so personal, feeding our minds, quests or anxieties. 

Rohinton Mistry left me a message in his book, sensing I needed confirmation. I believe that a person comes with many layers, some to keep them safe (lcoldness, arrogance), some to keep them warm (love, joy). Sometimes the layers come off and on in great speed and one might lose sense of how that person really is. Some keep the layers that keep them safe for too long while others never wear them or wear them casually, like you wear a rain coat on your arm, thinking it might rain. If the rain comes strong and sudden, you might not be able to put on the coat before getting soaking wet. 

The thing is, I often forget about how many layers people wear and I don’t have patience to wait for them to reveal themselves to me. And it’s not because I am in big hurry. Because I am not. This is what this book reminded me of: to be patient with people, if not for their sake, at least for mine. Some of their layers might match with mine. Some of their demons might want to play with mine.

My fav quote in a Fine Balance

My fav quote in a Fine Balance

On a different note, here are the news of the weekend for me (I leave out the wars, the beheading executions and crashed planes, though):

- An American teen was arrested because he W R O T E in an assignment how he shot his neighbour’s pet dinosaur with a gun. USA allows people to own guns without many restrictions and that 9 year old girl that shot her instructor by accident is free (not that she should be jailed, it was an accident). And this boy wrote a piece of fiction and got arrested. Blimey!

- Identity of the serial killer Jack the Ripper is finally unveiled and … tadaaaa….he was a Polish immigrant. UKIP was right, after all (thank Zeus he was not Romanian, pfewww).

- Last but not least, apparently Peppa Pig is haram! A Muslim, incredibly offended by the pink piggie, wants her banned from TV and requests for halal versions of cartoons. Will ISIS put this on their agenda, I wonder?

Creme de la creme comes from my mother land. I don’t know which one to tell you, our politicians do so many blunders! For example, the new thing is that the minister in charge with the Romanians abroad has absolutely no idea how many Romanians are abroad. He “estimates” less than a million in Italy and over a million in Spain. I estimate that too, and nobody pays me a minister’s salary, darn it. Except there are few more other countries in Europe and few other continents on the globe where Romanians are spread but the matter is out of hands. Therefore, he asked THE ORTHODOX CHURCHES in foreign countries to give him an estimate. I suggest that Romania should close the embassies and consulates, the Ministry of Interiour and the Ministry for Foreign Affairs and open churches worldwide. In Romania there are more churches than hospitals, anyway…

That’s all for now. I will try to slowly get out of my misery this week because the plans are building up for the weekend. Also, I brought these two babies home the other day. Which one shall I start next?

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Autumn resolution: to get out of other people’s mess so that I can make my own

I am amazed by how many things I’ve done today. 

I woke up at 9, had coffee and breakfast in bed(oat crackers with rasberry jam, apricots and peaches)  while reading A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry. At around 11 I coloured my hair (I only do root touch up in my natural colour so no need for a hairdresser appointment), had a long shower and read some more. Later on I fixed myself a salad for lunch, read some more and cleaned up my room. Did the dishes and a load of laundry, changed my bed sheets, finished something I was supposed to finish on Tuesday, did my hair, read some more, had more peaches and a cup of tea, did another load of laundry. I didn’t do grocery shopping, hence no dinner for me. A glass of milk will do. 

Big deal, you might say. People do these things and more every single day and don’t brag about it on blogs. Believe me, I know, it’s just I have been in a sort of self destructive stage the past month and yesterday I decided I should get out of it unless I want to go back to depression. I’ve been there too many times and it’s no fun. 

I was off from work in August and what started as relaxation ended up being a sort of slow suicide. Mind you, I didn’t eat properly, I didn’t drink enough water and I over slept every single day. The result: no energy, exhaustion, white paper face and anxiety. 

I had a therapy session yesterday and my assessment was the worse ever. The therapist started digging for the reasons which came out eventually. I knew I was not in a good place, this lasts for a few months already. The whole situation is beyond my control, I am a victim of other people’s choices (story of my life, always trapped in someone’s mess) so at an unconscious level I retorted to my ugly reality: oversleeping to face less of it, starving myself to feel I have control over something. 

I know exactly what I need to function properly: a coffee a day, veggies and fruits, meat or fish, lots of water, exercise and a good sleep, no longer than 9 hours (I can sleep 10 to 12 but I feel horrible afterwards). I didn’t do any of this in August or I did some but not much and always without enthusiasm and I am ashamed of myself.

My resolution for this autumn is to be out of people’s mess so that I can make my own. I am so careful with my life and my choices that I basically have no major problems with what is under my control: I love my nanny job and the family I work for, at school I am doing great, beyond all my expectations, the friends I’ve made in London are all nice and decent, my writing is going well, my English is improving thanks to all the books I keep reading etc. My only problems are other people’s problems and I must put an end to this, no matter the price.

So, Christmas will find me in a new apartment and it will be jolly, with no one getting in my business, snapping at me, criticizing every move I make or don’t make, barking at me for daring to have reactions or opinions. At the end of the day is each for their own, right?

Some anxiety with a slice of humour on the side

I am having an anxiety attack as we speak. I’ve been having it for a couple of hours already and last night I had a similar one. I pretty much feel like screaming. But I don’t because I can’t wrap my head around what should I scream about first.

tiptoeingaroundtheabyss.wordpress.com

tiptoeingaroundtheabyss.wordpress.com

Possible causes:

1. It’s that time of the month. That time of the month when I have to cut&colour my hair. I cut&colour my hair every other month. Two weeks before the visit at the hairdresser it looks just sad. And it has grey roots. Depressing.

2. In the past few days spent too much time inside, in front of the computer, reading about London, instead of actually exploring it. Pro: I spent no £££ and the introvert inside me is happy for the break. Cons: Hmmmmm…none. I needed this break.

3. In case sugar and mascarpone are anxiety triggers, it’s because I had too much Tiramisu last night and today. And I might have another one once I finish writing this.

4. I read like 400 hundred pages and o tone of articles in two days.

5. I had one month holiday. Of course you go crazy when you do nothing and then rest.

4. Maybe I need to up my dose or change my meds?

 

What to do (if you don’t have Xanax at hand)

1. Breath (I did. Not working)

2. Count and count and count (I did. In two languages. Not working)

3. Organize a drawer/cupboard/something (No, thank you)

4. Try to stay in the present. Don’t let your mind stray (I looked out the window at the half moon and the few stars, amazed of what nice colours the night sky has. Then I remembered the colours are because of the pollution and I got mad)

5. Call a friend and look for sympathy (Not my style)

 

What I did:

1. Cracked three eggs and beat them hard. Added salt and pepper, goat cheese and green onion. Made a hell of a omelette and wolfed it down. 

2. Talked about it on the blog.

 

Am I feeling better? 

No. 

 

anxiety-girl-funny-quotes

 

 

The Locust and the Bird

I have just finished The Locust and the Bird by Hanan Al – Shaykh and I am trying to sync my feelings about it. I read it very fast (I started it yesterday) and I am not sure it was a good idea to read it that fast. But I felt that the pace of the book was fast as well so I just kept up with it. 

I liked best the setting. I almost felt like I was following around the characters, like I was there, in a corner, taking a sneak peek at their lives. Not many descriptions make me feel like that.

As always when reading about how women in Middle Eastern are treated, I get angry. Then I remember how back in the day, Romania was not far from arranged marriages and husbands behaving like masters. And I get even angrier.

Kamila fought the situation in which she was dragged into by her family and had it her way, eventually. I always appreciate this, both in books and in real life: not settling for what you are given, but fighting for what you deserve. We all deserve to be happy, loved and appreciated for who we are, not for what we could become, if we tried harder, at someone’s request.

Kamila remained herself at all times and I love this about her. Involving her children in her mess made me cringe, though. Taking the kids with her to meet her lover, having the kids lying to the creditors for her, I don’t know…it sounds like child abuse to me and I am very sensitive about the matter, to be honest. She wasn’t better than her mother, who forced her into a marriage. They both wronged their children, even though in a different manner.

I know they were living different times but exposing the rotten world of adults to your children is wicked, in my opinion. 

One thing that puzzled me a bit: I lived under the impression that Hanan was Muhammad’s daughter. At least it was implied at one point but it never occurred again throughout the book. At the end of the book Hanan is reading Muhammad’s writings and she somehow connects with him. It is not clearly stated they are father and daughter but I choose to take this scene as a confirmation. After all, of all children, Hanan only has the gift of writing.

On a personal level, I must admit that Kamila being so hyper and all the blunders she was doing, raised my anxiety a bit. Usually movies have this effect on me. It rarely happens with books.

Now I’ll carry on with my Saturday. Because Kamila kept me busy, now I have to cancel a night out and carry on with things I was supposed to do today but I didn’t. Bummer! On the bright side, sister is making us Tiramisu so it won’t be a completed wasted Saturday night. 

How to sexually please a female Capricorn

I sometimes google funny stuff out of boredom and I am amazed how full of crap internet can be. The articles I found on how to please a Capricorn woman scared me at such level that I am determined to never ever answer the question “what’s your sign, love?”

Let me give some Capricornian feedback to some of the advice I have found on the internets:

This website preaches the classy, sort of geeky approach:

Art museums are a great first date option for a Capricorn woman. Intelligence is one of her biggest turn-ons.

Okay. I admit. I once dated a guy only because I didn’t understand a thing from his CV. And I love museums with all my heart. But at the end of the day, I am not that much into mental orgasms. These I can have on my own.

I remember how once I turned down a guy asking me out to Tate Modern for a first date and accepted another guy’s invitation, to the Wicked musical. The guy with the museum was an economics professor. The guy with the musical was in IT. Both very boring jobs, as far as I was concerned. But the guy with the musical was taller. And that was decisive. I try not to make my life more complicated than it already is.

Here we finally encounter some nasty advice.

The knees are something that this particular sign absolutely loves. They like their knees caressed, like them touched, like them rubbed. If you want to get anything out of the best sex tips for a Capricorn, you’ve got to give a try to touching their knees! Just a light brush can drive them completely insane!

Ok, I’ll be back in a bit…

Hmmm…I am back…I took a moment and did some of this stuff to my knees but nothing happened. I am pretty sure my knees are senseless. The only sensitive knees I reckon they were in Ally McBeal. There was a guy there, making all women orgasm by doing their knees. To all my future boyfriends: stay away from my knees, for God’s sake! (and yours).

Another great thing about a Capricorn is that they aren’t scared to experiment. If you’ve been dying to pull out the handcuffs and pull a bit of Fifty Shades out behind closed doors, they are fine with it! They actually love bondage and BDSM – just a little bit of course. They don’t want to get too rough, but a little is perfect!

First and last time I heard of BDSM was last week. I was talking with a girl friend and a male friend (ex boyfriend) and the girl mentioned this. I was all confused and asked her to explain me. The ex excused me by saying: She never tried it. To which I promptly replied: I never tried it with you! You don’t know what I did before and after! And then we all laughed at the very thought innocent Lavinia would do something actually dirty (I am making this up now. We laughed at something else, I forget what).

Back to the quote above, here is how I see it. I could probably deal with a pair of handcuffs but in the name of all gods out there, if you even mention Fifty Shades, you are out of my life, my phone book and I block you on Facebook, I swear! I try hard to pretend this book was never written, hence never made into a movie. Please don’t ruin my fantasy. 

They also love secrets. It could be secret spots all the way to swapping secret fetishes behind closed doors. They want to get under your skin, they want you to know everything about them and they want to connect with you on a deep level. Keep that in mind whenever you are behind closed doors!

No. No. No. I am no Mata Hari. I want sex. I don’t want secrets. I have my own.

A Capricorn is not someone that is going to not think about where they are having sex, so remember, the atmosphere is something that matters. Clean sheets, candles and a little romance to make the place look amazing can truly work wonders and can really get you exactly what you want! Who doesn’t love that?

Clean sheets, please. Thank you. And I think this just common sense not erotic. I have a complicated relationship with candles. I only like them in winter and not for too long. I was dragged to many Romanian funerals as a child. Even the scented candles end up reminding me of a funeral. Romanian funerals are horrid. I don’t want to remember them.

Here is the cherry on top. I saved the best for last! Wohoo!

Please note the exhaustive chart created by the scientists after duly researching for two years how to sexually please a Capricorn.

Lick or kiss her behind her knees. Lightly graze the area behind her knees with your fingers

Not the knees again, please, people!

Use this Restraints – Fantasy bondage tape (Black)  and give her a full body massage with this Sex oil – Sensual massage oil (soaring spirit).

At least the book which shall not be mentioned was not mentioned. I am game with the massage but I’ll be fast asleep afterwards, I hope that’s okay.

Add on some Nipple clamp – Tweezer clamps.

Unless you want them used on your unmentionables, DON’T EVEN BRING THEM ONSITE.

Let her drink the most healthy aphrodisiac cocktail a week long: blend watermelon with avocados or, if you can’t find any watermelon, blend oranges with avocados.

Add some meat to that and we can call it supper. I love myself a good supper.

To sum up, take this from a Capricorn: if you wanna please a woman, any woman, don’t google it, dude! It’s not an Agatha Christie mystery novel! It’s just a woman. You can do it!