This post is about men. What’s new in that, you may wonder, as I always write about men, like I am a manoholic or something! My bad, my dear readers. Is that I love men so much! And I find them fascinating, I can’t get enough of them! I look for their company, I like talking to them, I like trying to find out how they function, why they are so…men. The experiment is still running and I haven’t made any outstanding discoveries yet, of course. I am mostly having fun. I am looking at them slowly, I am taking my time. Either they are my friends, my ex boyfriends or just boys that I dated once or more than once, I want to make justice to them in this post. I want them to know that I enjoyed / I am enjoying every moment with them and between them and I, men make more sense than women. In everything! One conclusion I have come to, is that we don’t understand men, because we think too complicated. They think in such simpler terms that our mind can’t comprehend.
The idea of this post came to my mind while talking to some friends. The first friend, a girl, told me she heard a quote she found amazing, saying: “Happy wife, happy life.” I didn’t agree and I said the guy who said this must be gay. Another friend, also a girl, said she totally agrees also. Well, I didn’t get into details then, I wasn’t exactly sure why I didn’t agree. I thought about it later and I changed my mind. The guy that said that is not gay. He is just very scared of women, mainly of his wife.
When I hear wife/fiancée/girlfriend I see her as a part of an item. A happy couple is made up of two happy people. Why are we, women, so selfish and think men must work on making us happy? When did we become the center of the universe, for God’s sake? What is so special about us? Because we have the soft hair and skin, the breasts and the vagina, we have to act as if men owe us to make us happy? You know what, girls? Admit it! We are spoiled bitches! For example, how many times do we complain about how a guy wants to have sex with us? Yes, all the time. As if it is the worst thing that a guy can do to us! We have these precious vaginas that are the target of any man and all our life is nothing but a struggle to keep men away from them. Oh my God! Men are gross! They wanna fuck us! What to do? What to do? And since we can’t figure out what to do, we eventually have sex, making sure he knows he is an animal and we only do this for him as we find it so insulting! Of course, most of us will enjoy it more than the disgusting man that initiated it but why admit that? Let them think they are pigs and they made us do dirty stuff and we only did it for them. I love how this world is filled with wannabe Virgin Marys.
How about us? What do we do to make men happy? All the time, women complain about how: He doesn’t listen! He doesn’t understand me! I am hurt and he doesn’t notice! So the insensitive pigs that are men, want just sex, beer and soccer. No emotions. No random cuddling. No “us” time when he listens to what you have to say about your feelings.
Come on! Talk less and he will listen more! Stick to the important stuff, don’t tell him all the things you feel all the time! Women feel too much and they have the ability to find words for all these one thousand millions feelings they have. That is pretty exhausting for a man. How do I know that? I know, because I sometimes find it exhausting expressing myself so I try to imagine how the guy I am trying to communicate all these, must feel. That can’t be nice.
He doesn’t understand you? Well, is he the only one? If he is the only one that doesn’t understand you, then the problem is him, indeed. But I doubt it. Ok, your crew of girlfriends doesn’t count. I am telling you, half of them don’t understand you and half of them don’t even listen to you. Listening to your problems is just a pretext for them to have coffee in a herd. Sorry. In a group.
Now, let’s see what a man doesn’t usually understand: that you need to be hold, that you need more attention, that you need to be listened to and comforted. I have a clue why he doesn’t understand you. Because you don’t tell him! You are waiting for him to guess! Why? He will never guess because he is a man! Men don’t have nurturing instincts like women. They need to be told when to hold you in their arms and when to kiss away the pain. That is why they cannot give birth! It is not their fault. They have other skills, that you don’t have. Which ones? Let me think…Hmmm, nothing comes to my mind now but I will think about it and write a post on that. Men need precise instructions. If you sit there with a frown on your face because he doesn’t guess you need to be hold now, he will freak out and go out for a beer. A very long one! If you tell him: Hey boy, I am a bit down, how about some cuddling? He will cuddle for a few minutes, then maybe go for a beer. No man will ever say: Honey, I feel you need some us time tonight, you seem to be sad. How about I stay in tonight and hold you in my arms?” Actually, if I heard a man saying that, I would run away. That would not be cute! That would be just weird!
Being in a relationship is not like competing. You just have to enjoy it and treat him the way you would like to be treated. You want your time with the girls? Give him his time with the boys. Yes, I know, his boys are a bunch of losers and they do nothing interesting, but drinking beer, watching sports and checking out girls. Animals! While you and your girls, so classy! Sipping coffee, shopping, going to the movies to watch romantic comedies! That is so upscale! Really? Think again. It is the same shit as he does, just folded in a nicer wrap. And it also has a red bow on it. You are no better than him! Your activities with the girls are as meaningless as his activities with the boys! But they relax you. Just the way they relax him! If watching sports doesn’t relax you, a romantic movie won’t relax him! Let him do his thing. He will come back home happy! Isn’t this what you want? A happy man?
Now few things about jealousy. This can be exhausting, I know, I have been there. Yes, he is gonna check out on girls. All his life. It doesn’t mean anything. Just because he loves you, it doesn’t mean he is blind. You can suggest him to do it in a discreet way, so that you don’t notice he is doing it. You can ask him: “Honey, did you ever see me checking out on boys? “ “No, babe! Never!” “That is because I do it classy! No one can tell I am undressing a man with my eyes! Do you want me to teach you how? You will avoid being slapped. By me. Or by the girl you are checking out.” Or something. You will find a way, but this is the main point.
Suspecting he is cheating on you, will drive you crazy and it will drive him to actually cheating on you. When being accused of stuff you don’t do, you will end up doing it, at least to be given a reason to be yelled at. Try to trust a man 100% until you are proved wrong. It will make your life easier. And his.
Restrain yourself from telling him everything you feel. That is way too much information. Make a brief summary in your mind and tell him the main ideas, with highlights on what is really important. A man’s brain can’t focus too much on details so he will stop listening to you which will make you think he doesn’t care so you will start telling him he doesn’t care which will puzzle him and make him think you are crazy and so on. All that because instead of telling him you are mad because a girl at work wasn’t nice to you, you will actually tell him what that girl did, in every freaking detail. A man likes a fight between girls only if it involves bathing suit and mud. Or just mud. Otherwise…
Do you know that disappointment you feel after being for a while in a relationship, when you think he has changed? Breaking news: people don’t change that fast. But, all of us, men and women are very cautious when starting dating. We don’t put ourselves on a plate. We tend to show our nice self so that we impress the other one. When we start feeling comfortable in the relationship, we show our real self. Nobody is perfect, not even you. Why would he? So, don’t be sad he is changed. He is not changed. He is just comfortable with you and being himself. Be happy for that, don’t start putting him down. Yes, he doesn’t shave every day, he walks around naked, he almost floods the house every time he showers, he burps, he farts, he talks dirty, he just sits on the sofa doing nothing and not looking pretty. You think this is weird? Have you ever wondered how you look in his eyes? You spend 2 hours in the bathroom, yet the bathroom is spotless once you are out. That is weird. When you are done with your shower you open a cupboard filled with one zillion bottles. You have a cream for each body part, damn it. Before going out, you ask him for an hour what you should wear, then you get mad when he says you should wear nothing, then you get even more mad when he says you should whatever you like, then you start asking yourself what you should wear for another hour, then you try on all your clothes for two hours, then you decide you have nothing to wear, then you get mad because of that, then, ten minutes before leaving the house, you decide on an outfit, then you ask him if you look fat, then you get mad if he says yes but you also get mad if he says no, because he didn’t even look at you when he said that…All that in front of him, girl! He is just gross! But you are crazy!!! For gross, he needs to read a book on good manners. But for crazy, you need medication. So, who is worse?
I don’t know if you know but what you see is what you get. If you fall for a bad guy, he will never turn into a teddy bear. He will always be bad. You meet a bad boy and you think a bad boy is sexy so you want him. Once you have the bad boy, you try to turn him into a good boy and complain he doesn’t work with you on this. Well, girl, you fall for a bad boy, you will have a bad boy. End of story. And this applies for all types of men. You fall for a geek because you liked his brains, you will always have a geek. You will never have a cool geek. Or a metrosexual geek. Geeks are smart, not cool. Just like you can never turn a cool guy into a geek. So decide what you like about a man, open your eyes and be aware of what you don’t like about him and think hard: can you enjoy the good parts enough not to care about the bad parts? Because you will always get what you see. No more, no less. If you can’t, move on. It must be someone you like just the way he is, out there.
Don’t try to change people. You will never succeed and you will frustrate them. The message a man gets when you try to change him, is that he is not good enough. Why would you put a man down? A man down is no good. Keep your man up. Stop dreaming of prince charming. Are you any fairy or princess by any chance? No? Just what I thought. Men are not perfect. Women are not perfect. Men are not special. Women are not special. Men and women are very different human beings. We don’t look alike, we don’t feel alike, we don’t act alike. But at the end of the day, we have the same needs: to be loved and accepted and respected. Happy wife, happy life? No way! Happy couple, happy life. Try to accept each other, try to make each other happy and it will pay off. Don’t have high expectations from a man or from a woman. Enjoy every day and happiness shall come. If not, change the man or the woman. You are allowed more strikes on this one. Now carpe the hell out of the diem and be happy. The happier we are, the better the world we live in is.