Today I have come across this article about basic bitches. Ok, I spotted it yesterday in my very crowded news feed on Facebook , but I didn’t give it a thought until today. I sometimes read selectively, so the title I saw was “21 signs you are a bitch”. I read it, convinced I have them all and also convinced I can provide the author 21 more signs of bitchness, from my own experience (I am the ultimate bitch). But then, surprise…I had none of them. Check this out:
1. I own no movie. I watch crap, even Adam Sandler crap, but I download it from Torrents (I know, I am sorry, not nice, but I am Romanian, people are poor here). Of course, after I watch the crap, I delete it. I have a 200$ little laptop I bought from Wallmart almost two years ago, it doesn’t have enough space to store crap. What I own and I keep religiously is Seinfeld and Friends. I can’t watch them anymore, because my 200$ Wallmart laptop doesn’t have a DVD-Rom. I guess I need new technology…
2. I don’t drink pumpkin spice lattes because they don’t have them where I live. We have one Mc Donald’s Here and one KFC. No chain coffee shop. Off topic, oh, how I miss Tim Hortons!
3. I do post inspirational crap on Facebook, mostly because I don’t want to forget them. Every now and then I copy them in a notebook and I use them in my writing.
4. I barely tweet.
5. I don’t have Instagram, I am not even sure what Instagram is.
6. I don’t have a dog and if I had one I would call him a scary name like Batman or Dracula or Zombie. Can you imagine me on the street with my dog:” No, Zombie, don’t bite that lady. Good boy, Zombie!” Hilarious!
7. I have no clue what King of Queens is but I will google it and let you know.
8. The only Republicans I have heard about, are the idiots in USA that make the most amazing, out of this world statements on TV and no one sends them to loony bin. I say crazy stuff but I have a limit. So, I am not a Republican. I do like gays, though. This doesn’t make me a Republican (they hate gays) but apparently makes me a basic bitch. Well, at least it doesn’t make me a good Christian, god forbid that! (I say god a lot, for an atheist, don’t you think so?)
9. I am more of a Samantha but I try to hide it.
10. I drink beer. I am a Mexican man on the inside. I am a Samantha and a Mexican man on the inside.
11. When it comes to having sex, my only requests are: brains, sense of humor and good hygiene. I don’t even ask for looks, how could I ask for a good resume? Especially in this economy…
12. I will have to google “Girls” also.
13. I have the same amount of faith in Jesus that I have in Brad Pitt. Both of them are handsome men. One is dead, one is alive. I guess Brad wins this round. I don’t pray after a break up, I drink and I party instead. Probably I should pray Brad to drink and party with me, that might help me getting through the break ups easily. This thought could be the basis of a brand new holly book.
14. I will have to google Nickleback too.
15. I have no tatoo yet. When I get one it will be a sun or two cherries. I haven’t decided yet.
16. I don’t think I would like Las Vegas. Desert is not my thing. Unless it comes after a three course meal and has chocolate and a different pronunciation.
17. I like goat cheese only if it is not salty.
18. I couldn’t watch Mean Girls even though I tried really hard.
19. I had several failed attempts to watch Eat Pray Love. Every time I tried, I was falling asleep instantly. I even tried to watch it on the plane, while flying to Toronto. Two times! I fell asleep and I can’t even sleep in planes. I finally watched it two months ago. It was a chilly evening, I was in Greece and I had nothing to do outside because I didn’t have warm clothes with me. So I watched Eat Pray Love. For sure I will not read the book, chick lit is not my thing. But I might leave a man to travel the world. This is very, very possible.
20. Like I said before, I barely tweet, so retweeting is out of the question.
21. I don’t tell people I don’t do drama, I can’t lie them to their faces just like that. I am a drama queen and it is crystal clear. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to observe it.
So, imagine my surprise to discover I am not a bitch, after reading this article. I took a better look at the title, then. Oh, I am not a basic bitch! Ok, but what the fuck is a basic bitch? I looked it up and Urban Dictionary defines a basic bitch as a a bum-ass woman who thinks she is the shit but she really ain’t. I guess it dooesn’t apply to me, because I think I am the shit and I really am! But the funniest definition of a basic bitch I found it here.
To sum up, it is obvious I am not a basic bitch. I am a very multi layered bitch and each layer is very thick, if you know what I mean.
Anyway, this diary was supposed to be about my day. I wrote 5000 words for NaNoWriMo today! I told you I’ll catch up!!! I am bad ass writer when my muses are alive and kicking. No French yet today, though, but the night is young, so it might happen. Who knows? I have no idea, to be honest. Meanwhile, the entire planet is waiting to see who is gonna be the next president of the USA and in Romania, breaking news! the president invited the Parliament to his office for a chat, after not talking to them or to the Romanian people, for more than two months. We have a president that holds grudge, that is…
Well, that’s about it for today. Have a good one, readers of the Romanian Diary:)