This one goes to my neighbor. She lives on the 4th floor and she has very loud sex. I feel like I am listening to porn each time she has sex and when I meet her and her boyfriend on the hallway I can’t even look them in the eyes. I know too much about their sex life, is like I am living under their bed, not under their apartment. The good part is they only have sex about once a week. But sometimes they have an extra round on Sundays mornings at fucking 8 am! What a hell! I like sleeping till late and I can only do that on Sundays. I mean, I don’t even wake up at 8 am on a Sunday for the sake of my own sex life, imagine how I feel being woken up by someone else’s sex life. I fear one Sunday there will be blood in the building. Or at least loud yelling.
Other than that, I have a ghost in my phone. Last night, at about 3 am or so, I heard Shakira singing very loud. It was Objection song. I woke up really freaked out. I couldn’t figure out where the music was coming from. Then I realized it was coming from my phone. What a fuck? For starters, that song is not my ringtone. I checked the music player but it was stopped on a Pink Floyd song. (I have Shakira, Pink Floyd, Robbie Williams and Enrique Iglesias in my playlist and I am aware I make no sense, I am a lost cause from musical point of view, no need to judge me, ok?) Moving on…That song was not set as ringtone to any application and the volume didn’t make any difference. What the fuck was that? As no brilliant idea hit me, like turning off the phone for example, I had nothing else to do but listening to the entire song and then go back to sleep.
I totally forgot about it until I got home this evening. I was reading something, minding my own business when it started again, all of a sudden. Same song! Damn ghost, hunting my Android software. As far as I know, I am living on the land of vampires, I am not trained for ghost situations. And anyway, why are they hunting my phone? Couldn’t they hunt my loud neighbor, for example, maybe she shuts the fuck up? Bottom line is, if this happens again I will have to search for a ghost buster. Or an exorcist. Or someone that knows Android. Or maybe I should just google it. Google knows it all nowadays, it provides way more answers than god. Maybe we should all pray to google instead, don’t you think so? Dumb idea but speaking of praying, here is my humble prayer to whoever listens: god, NASA satellite, Greek gods etc., I don’t really care: please, make my neighbor not have sex and my phone not randomly play music between 11 pm and 7 am, Sunday to Friday and not before 10 am on Sundays. Thanks a lot and amen.