Once upon a time I used to date a Greek guy. Then I didn’t date him anymore, but we remained on very, but I mean very, very good terms.
Once upon another time, I had a job that implied some traveling. Most of the traveling was in the Greek city where my ex was living, go figures, what a coincidence.
My job was quite exhausting so I needed to wind up at the end of the day, to be able to go on the next day. Any other employee would have abused the hotel’s spa but I didn’t. I was very considerate with my employer’s money so, guess what? I chose to call up my ex, for winding up and stuff.
And now you all imagine he was my booty call! Why are you so nasty, dear readers? Why?
Anyway, because he really understood how difficult and exhausting my work was, he was always waiting for me with nice drinks and sexy snacks and little presents. Only because I was working so hard and he was feeling sorry I am so stressed out, stop being so nasty, really.
In one of the trips, my employer and his friends also came along. At the end of the day, they invited me to have dinner with them. As I already had other plans involving a tall Greek and some fancy drinks and lots of…talking (to catch up…you know) I refused them politely, claiming I have a terrible headache and I need to go to sleep like right then.
Then I sneaked out of the hotel and met the handsome Greek. Being the gentleman that he usually was, he gave me a huge and heavy gift, a crystal vase, otherwise a very beautiful one. I didn’t see it as a problem at the moment, it was a really surprising gift, this guy is very good with gifts, I have to say.
Few hours later (like 6 or 7), I entered the hotel, carrying the huge package in a bag. It was about 1 am or so. I went to the reception to get my key when I hear behind me:
It was my boss! Shit! I totally froze. All I could think about was where the fuck am I supposed to come from at 1 am, on Easter night (meaning shops closed), carrying a crystal vase in a city where he assumes I know nobody???
“Come with us, let’s have drink at the bar.” he said.
I followed him bearing along the fucking vase. I admit I looked for places to hide it, but I found none. And probably he had already seen it. I mean, they were at the bar and I passed them by. There was nobody else in the lobby, but us. So come on…what was I hoping for?
I sat down.
“Where are you coming from? You said you are sick…What’s in the bag?”
Fuck! Exactly the questions I would have liked him to skip. I am not good at telling lies, I am the worst, I swear. If you don’t believe me, just read what I had to say to my defense. Sometimes I really question my intelligence…
“Well…as I was having a headache, I went to my room. Then my sister texted me and she said she had something extremely important to tell me, like vital, you know…Since I had that calling card, I decided not to use the roaming service and go outside and call her from a pay phone. When I finished talking to her, I was about to go back inside the hotel, I was almost at the door, when this car stopped and the most handsome Greek in the universe said hi. I said hi back and one thing leads to another, you know the drill, we went for a coffee. While I was in his car, I noticed a big package on his back seat and I asked him, as a joke, of course, hey, is that what Easter bunny brought to me? He said he actually bought that for his aunt, but I can have it, since he didn’t get me anything. Get it? He was actually playing along with my joke…”
As I was speaking while simultaneously amazing myself with the amount of stupidity I could pour out through my mouth and trying to make him believe all that crap was legit, my boss said laughing:
“Honey, your shirt is inside out.”
Oh, damn it. Of course it was. Not having what else to add to my story, I called the waitress. I needed more drinks, lots of them, and a hole in the ground where to disappear. Forever.