St. Andrew’s Day in Romania

It is Saint Andrew’s Day today. It is national holiday in Romania because St. Andrew is the the spiritual boss of Romania. He brought Christianity here and lived at the seaside. So I would say his passions were religion and sun. As a spiritual boss, I personally think he screwed up. Look at our history and our present. We could have done as bad without a spiritual leader. Chaos needs no leader.

On St. Andrew’s Day the gate between this world and the other world is wide open and the souls of the dead are back for a little bit of haunting. But they don’t mean well, not at all. They want to suck your blood and your life and also the life of the animals in your stables. So beware!

usturoiPrepare beforehand. Get as much garlic as possible and use it as follows. First, make sure your dinner will be based on garlic. They can’t suck the life out of you if you stink. Don’t worry your spouse will voluntarily take the couch for the night, the most important thing is to keep your life inside you for the moment then you will be able to  have sex in a day or two once the garlic odor will fade out. Second, rub garlic all over your windows and doors, especially the front door. The Romanian poltergeists are not trained to go through walls so lucky you.

If you make it after this night of horrors, keep the garlic for domestic spells. A witch will help you with that, don’t try to do spells without supervision, it is really dangerous. For example, instead of making your husband stop cheating on you with that hot neighbor of yours, you might make him asking her to marry him. So ask for professional help, always.

You don’t need worry you will have hard time finding a witch. Romanian witches have adds in national newspapers and and they also have Facebook fan pages. They are very active on the internet and willing to expand their business. They even left messages on Beyonce’s wall, offering their services.  They are kind of easy to reach, just bring your own magic garlic or you’ll pay extra.  I bet Beyonce has no magic garlic, I don’t want to see her witchcraft bill.

This is one of the nights when girls can find out who will they marry. There are two ways to do this. Either you bake a very salty bread and eat it and the guy that will bring you water in your dream is the one, or you go half naked in a room with two mirrors, one in front of you and one behind you and, with the lights off, you sit between two candles and look in the mirror in front of you. Your future hubby will appear on the mirror behind you, also scenes from your life together will unfold in that mirror. But you need eyes on the back of your head to see all these. Don’t forget to garlic up your room before doing the future search, you don’t want any poltergeists to disturb you.

On this very special day, you can also get a forecast on your health and on the agricultural productivity of your land for the next year. It is very easy and it doesn’t involve garlic, but wheat. Plant some wheat seeds in a pot and keep it at the window. Water it everyday and check the result on New Year’s Eve. If the wheat is green and strong you are gonna do great and your land will do great also. If not…I hope you have both health and agricultural insurance.

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6 thoughts on “St. Andrew’s Day in Romania

      1. Lavinia says:

        Let me know when you come. I will show you around, I know the best places and I was a travel agent and a tour guide for a while, so I’ve got skills:)

        Like

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