So, I was reading today 15 Heartbreaking Signs That You’re Single. According to this article, you are single if you feel bad about yourself, eat cupcakes, drink with girlfriends and do nothing on weekends. Which means I am single even when I am in a relationship because not even an army of boyfriends can’t prevent me from having my very lazy weekends and nights in which I adore, either I spend them alone or not. No guy in this world can stop me from eating sweets. None. In fact, if I have to choose between men and chocolate/cakes, boy, that would be a hard one. I can truly hope I will never have to choose, because someone will get hurt.
But check out these three particular signs you are single, they are so interesting.
“You don’t wash the sheets as much as you should because, screw it, it’s not like anyone else but you is sleeping in them. ”
Well, dear author, I think you have just given us a hint why you are single. Do you really wash your sheets only when you have a chance to get laid? I mean, you have feet and ass and farts and sweat going on in those sheets, even if it’s your own feet/ass/farts/sweat. Going further, please don’t tell me you apply same policy with underwear and socks. How about showers? Do you shower because another day has started/ended or because you might have sex?
“You start to let yourself go a little bit in very stereotypical ways. Like, you don’t trim your genitalia and let it turn into the Lion King 2.” First of all, I beg of you, don’t you ever trim your genitalia! Stick to the pubes, it’s enough. Second of all, do you like having a lion king down there or not? If you like it, flaunt it (I don’t mean this literally) if not, trim it already, don’t wait for a penis to come visit.
6. “You order takeout a lot because it feels weird cooking just for yourself. When you go to the market, you buy “single person food,” which usually consists of a yogurt, a single chicken breast, and a bottle of wine.” Or you are just lazy. I am hungry either I am in a relationship or not, I eat because I like to eat and because I need food to stay alive. Are you only eating to get laid? So if you are single for two years, you won’t cook for two years? Because fast food for two years will kind of make it impossible for you to ever end being single because of the fat, you know.
I wash my sheets regularly, I never trim my genitalia (god, this sounds like a pagan cruel ritual) but I do wax and shave and have mani/pedi religiously just because I find it normal to take care of myself no matter my relationship status. And I cook because I like to eat healthy.
I think the right title for this article would be 15 Heartbreaking Signs Your Self Esteem Is Gone. If you are not happy being single, you won’t be happy with a man, because happiness comes from within, not from a man.