The woman I don’t want to be

Every day I see people that are afraid. Afraid to stay up till late because they won’t wake up in the morning, afraid to take a holiday because they might lose their jobs, afraid to speak their mind because they might be ridiculed, afraid to wear a bright color because it is too much, afraid to do whatever makes them happy because it is not age appropriate, afraid to say “fuck” every now and then, because it is rude.

I don’t want to be afraid. I don’t want to be afraid to go away for a few days, if I need it, to tell a boss he might not be right, to tell stupid jokes, to make people laugh, to wear red and pink and purple or to wear something that is so out of fashion just because I like it. I don’t want to be afraid that my dress is too short or that my earrings are too big. I don’t want to be afraid to stay out till late and I don’t want to be afraid that after a night out, I might not remember how I got home. I don’t want to be afraid to eat too much candy or to say “fuck this shit” from time to time. I don’t want to be afraid to skip a meal, to wake up at noon and do nothing for an entire day.  I don’t want to be afraid to do what I like. I don’t want to be afraid to do things because they might not turn out well or I might end up looking ridiculous. I don’t want to be afraid to tell a guy I like him or to tell a guy I want to break up with him. I don’t want to be afraid of imaginary consequences of stuff I didn’t even do.

All I am afraid of is to live in vain and not have enough memories of beautiful or stupid things I did. I am here only once. I am not here to obey rules, to be what they want me to be or to be the employee of the month because, you see, I am only here for the joy 🙂

Why so serious, Lavinia?

29 thoughts on “The woman I don’t want to be

      1. Shane says:

        Re: Commenting. I don’t know what’s happening there, I was able to leave a comment when I wasn’t logged into my blog. Perhaps it was only a temporary issue? I hope so!


  1. paulguildea says:

    Yep. The greatest piece of importance in your life is that – between your birth year and your death year on your headstone. So important, because it is your life! We have to make it count….


  2. Anonymous says:

    Hi! Taking into consideration the above subject I have to tell that I love the way you write. I check every day your blog just to make sure I’m not loosing any new post of yours. Some day I saw you very close to me (in the bus station) and I thought to say hi. To tell you how much I appreciate your work and that I really hope you will someday publish the book and that I will go hungry to buy it. But then I thought you may think I am a stalker. You were listening to music and you were singing, and I felt really good cause I felt that what your write is true and not invented. You once said you have this custom (I meant the custom to sing while listening even though you find yourself in a public place). Ok, so fallowing your advice I felt the need to share this with you. The next time I will meet you, I promise to say Hi. Being afraid for stupid, ordinary things might lead to un-lived experiences. So I said it. I feel better now 🙂


    1. Lavinia says:

      Ok, this is hilarious:) I was hoping my English blog will make me famous overseas, not in my neighborhood:)) Yes, I sing when I am waiting for the bus, if it is too cold I even dance a little:))) Say hi next time. But beware, I might get defensive when you will start talking to me, because I am cautious when it comes to strangers approaching. But mention my blog and I will loosen up:)) Have a nice day!


  3. deadlyeverafter says:

    I want to kiss you, kiss this post, frame it, hang it on the wall and point at it all the time. Thank you for not being afraid to do stupid shit, try new things, be who you are, and love the consequences. *throws confetti and unicorn horns*



  4. Rohan 7 Things says:

    Great post Lavinia, very empowering, very positive 🙂 This is a great manifesto, I have the same fear, the only fear; I’m afraid to spend my life not doing what I want, I’m afraid to live the life of someone else.

    As long as these are your only fears you will live authentically, satisfied that you did your best 🙂



  5. 1EarthUnited says:

    Your experiences put a big smile on my face because they are so genuinely true to life, and you’re not afraid to tell it the way it is. Your voice is very precious for everyday reality check! ♥ Enjoy life.


    1. Lavinia says:

      Phillip Roth said in one of his books, I don’t remember which one, that we should write about what we know, this will make the writing stronger. I think he is right and anyway I love sharing. I don’t want people to learn from my experiences, I want to make them want to experience, in general.


  6. Jaydee says:

    Cavaco dizia que A.Relvas era/é/foi(?) o seu Mourinho na campanha de 2006.Cavaco,Mourinho e MaÃl­da,comunicação social domesticada, jogam todos na mesma equipa: manter a ignorâcia e a submissão do povo aos interesses dos grupos financeiros e outros parasitas…Abraço


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