It’s official, I am cooler than Oprah. And Ellen. And Obama.

It is obvious that you are now reading the most influential blog in the entire universe and probably in all the parallel universes too. It is official, I am cooler than Obama, Oprah and Ellen all together. I made the Pope resign, for god’s sake. It is the first time a Pope resigns and it was because of me. And because of his dumb idea to join Twitter. I didn’t even have to harass him that much, in fact I only tweeted that letter once. But it was enough.

He probably escalated this issue to God, his boss, complaining about this Romanian chick that is giving him hard time in keeping the business going. And God was like (and I quote, this will be an essential part of the future holly scriptures, so you better pay attention):

God: “What chick are you talking about, Pope? Lavinia? She is my greatest accomplishment ever. I had started my work on her on Day 1 of creation and I wasn’t done until 1980. I even finished creating Jesus in between, so…you do the Math. I am thinking to making her immortal so that all generations from now till the apocalypse comes can enjoy her. No, I don’t know when the fucking apocalypse is gonna be, stop asking me that. Probably one morning I will wake up in a very bad mood and I will be out of coffee and I will look down and end this shit, because honestly, you, humans, are losing it big time. So, Pope, you need to choose, either you resign, or I fire you. Make up your mind and make it quick. I don’t have time for this shit, I have a planet to run, as far as you know and an entire universe, as far as I know.”

I don’t know if you are aware of the divine protocol. Basically, getting fired by God means to die. So Pope thought about it for a while. That was when he was on his dead bed. Then he decided that he still has some years to live and he wants to see how Californication ends and maybe he will be lucky enough to catch the apocalypse live and die like a hero, praying. So he resigned. You are all welcome.

P.S. If the next Pope is black and gay and young, I will give him a break. I will even be supportive, I promise.

No, it was not that...
No, it was not that…

20 thoughts on “It’s official, I am cooler than Oprah. And Ellen. And Obama.

  1. Doggy's Style says:

    You and I seem to be on synch when it comes to The Pope.
    I loved your post, I agree, if the next pope is black and gay and young I’ll support them, I should send my resume, I have 2 out of the 3 requirements, payment and benefits gotta be good.


    1. Lavinia says:

      I totally endorse you, Leo, even if it is just 2 out of 3 and I don’t even need commission. I would appreciate though, if Vatican sponsored Pride Parade. This is all I ask.


      1. Lavinia says:

        I have seen some hotties too, I even had fantasies with some of them. I can never say which team someone plays in, I am bad at that, but in fact, I don’t need to know it, I can just enjoy the view. Holly pride parade sounds divine, lol


  2. sakuraandme says:

    Livinia how incredibly politically incorrect where you just then??? OMG!! I absolutely loved it!! LMAO
    Lavinia as the next Cardinal!! Do you think they will accept some vote from some random woman in Australia?? Lol Hugs Paula xxxx


  3. jasonwrites says:

    God’s Greatest Creation indeed! This is even bigger than when Becca’s blog almost crashed the entire Internet. But we all know how the next Pope will be selected. Dan Brown already chronicled it in “Angels & Demons” and we all know he is the Greatest Author Alive, until Lavinia writes a book, that is. 😀


    1. Lavinia says:

      My book is almost done but I am so generous that I will pretend I need more time to finish it so that Mr. Brown can enjoy few more years of fame. I strongly advise him to step down the pedestal in advance but it will be his choice. P.S. I am going to write a letter to the Romanian president. If you won’t here from me for a while, he got me arrested for something (this is what he does with people that piss him off).


      1. jasonwrites says:

        I’m anxiously awaiting your book. I would even learn Romanian to read it (which is easy for me to say, since you’re already writing in English). OK, I just want to be in good graces enough to get a free autographed copy. And maybe on your blogroll. After the Pope, I would think the president will be all too easy for you to influence. Tomorrow is Presidents’ Day here in the USA, in which some of us honor the Presidents who served us so well by enjoying not going to work.


      2. Lavinia says:

        The book is in English. It has a lot of communism in it, North Americans are more interested in this than Europeans. So you are off the hook, no need to learn Romanian for this one. Maybe for the next one:)


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