I have this sad feeling that at the moment I have no language that I can call my own. I am losing my Romanian and my English is far from perfect especially when I am tired or grumpy or dizzy or whatever. Because yes, there are days when I simply can’t express myself in a neat English without any reason whatsoever.
As for Romanian, the matter is even more upsetting because it is my mother tongue. I don’t have many Romanian friends in London, I only get to talk Romanian with my sister. And you know what? I can hardly make a sentence in Romanian, without sneaking some English words in it.
They say that when you have two languages, you have two souls. I like to think of this as a metaphor for the ability of making room for as many cultures as we encounter next to our own. It is a special feeling indeed and despite the sadness I feel when I cannot make a proper sentence in Romanian, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
To make matters even more complicated, my boyfriend is French. We communicate in English and sometimes, when it gets intense, I find myself exhausted with speaking in English. A row is not a proper row if not in your mother tongue.
What about you? How does having a second language make you feel?